That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
