im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
