take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize