i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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