Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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