I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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