you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
