She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
