Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
