My sheets look like a crime scene.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
