i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
