I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You took a bar mat shot.
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You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize