I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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