No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
