wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
