and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's blow job season.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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