If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
