I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
