It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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