oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
