I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
time to smoke my breakfast
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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