She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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