Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize