By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Boobs are out for the taking
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
