I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
there is glitter all over my balls
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
