Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
