lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
