Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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