Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
