He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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