I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
