Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
