Fine. I'll sleep in my office
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize