its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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