i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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