Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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