You surviving the open bar?
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I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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