smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
