I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
