Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
