New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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