So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
