Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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