Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We are all done wearing pants today
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
