I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
