Cold hands, warm shart.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
