If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
