party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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