my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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