i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
