Fuck appropriateness.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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