Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
