thus making me awesome and them whores
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
