I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
