you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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