If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
