So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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