She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
