i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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