My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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