Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
