you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
