im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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