Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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