I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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